The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize