i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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