how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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