You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
