i wish my penis had a tongue
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
