I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
