I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When are your genitals available?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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