i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
