We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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