do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
