You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
