Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
