I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
