Please, let me fuck your mom
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
