dude i'm inner monologue high
Small penises have feelings too.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
