why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
