So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
