Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
