so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize