guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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