quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I supernannyed him into submission
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
