9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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