he wants to bone in the snuggie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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