You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize