DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
