fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
