I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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