I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
