We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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