im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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