the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
