If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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