You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
