I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
