Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
