oh god the rape fog is back!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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