dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
