the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
