so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize