we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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