dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize