Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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