i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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