Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
