If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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