Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
His hands were made for my vagina.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
