I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Be still, my beating vagina.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
