she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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