So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
