dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
