erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
