Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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