So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
