he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
