Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
