Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
