my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
