I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Farmville is her only friend.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
