No stitches, just platelets and will power
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
