is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
