I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
