he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
