he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize