I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize