Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
wow bdsm is so cute
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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