I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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