I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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